Have you often seen people quarrel? Psychologists consider this an unpleasant phenomenon to be a completely natural process, which inevitably arises from time to time in the course of our communication. Quarrels, for example, may arise between children and parents, neighbors, colleagues, fellow travelers, etc. It is believed that such conflicts are of great importance to people. They contribute to the development and further development of interpersonal relationships. Indeed, often in the course of such a verbal confrontation, many controversial issues that interfere with this process are resolved.
As for family quarrels, their reasons can be very different, because people who live under the same roof are able to find many reasons for conflict. This is unwashed dishes, and not taken out garbage, and things scattered around the house. Often family quarrels erupt due to a lack of assistance in household matters and a small salary. The phenomenon is rather unpleasant. And this becomes apparent even when viewing pictures of family quarrels in the photo. From the side, such scenes look extremely unsightly.
Nevertheless, the causes of family quarrels are much less than those reasons that provoke conflicts with other people. What are they and how to avoid a situation where a loved one raises his voice, snarls, sprinkles with reproaches and insults for any reason, often simply far-fetched? It is the obscurity and unresolved true causes that pose a threat to family relationships.
Psychological aspects
The family is a small social group consisting of people whose interests clash almost daily. As in any other community, when it is created, a certain hierarchy begins to line up. And if the authorities want both spouses at once, then conflicts will certainly arise.
Note, considering family psychology: quarrels are possible in this social group and during certain crises. For example, at the birth of children. The future of the family depends on how harmoniously and correctly this or that stage is completed. As psychologists note, divorces, as a rule, happen precisely in crises. These are periods when emotions are too intense, and people's attachment is sharply weakened.
When creating a family, young spouses enter the stage of passion and enthusiasm. They believe that their feelings will never fade. However, after a romantic period, one has to face various domestic issues and financial problems. This is where the destruction of harmony takes place. Psychologists say that the family requires mutual assistance and patience. In the case when this is not, all its members will consider themselves lonely, miserable and dissatisfied with life.
Sometimes it happens that several generations live under one roof. This situation contributes to certain problems. So, young people are active, while older people need peace. Most often, when living together, people do not have enough living space. In this case, the likelihood of family quarrels and marital conflicts is also very high due to constant inconvenience.
Fight for leadership
The style of most modern families is fundamentally different from what it was relatively recently, just a few decades ago. In those days, a man, without any doubt, was considered the head of the family and its main earner. At the same time, the woman was assigned the role of a housewife. She was mainly engaged in raising children. Today, women, along with men, climb the career ladder and earn money. That is why the solution of the question of who is the main one in the house becomes the most popular reason for family quarrels.
According to psychologists, the struggle for leadership, even in a latent form, takes place in the relations of absolutely all couples. This is especially evident in the first years after marriage, when the spouses only establish family relations, passing the grinding period. Each of them is trying to get the right to issue priority instructions. Of course, the family does not strengthen at all. On the contrary, frequent family quarrels caused by eternal confrontations are very likely to lead to a break.
How can such a conflict be resolved? Psychologists advise to remember that the leader is not the one who imposes his position on others and knocks his fist on the table. The main thing in the family should be one of its members, who will be able to take responsibility. This person should solve all arising issues, be democratic, take care of the house and take into account the wishes of all people close to him. It is from this side that the spouses should give an objective assessment of each other. And only after that it will be possible to appoint, but not the main one, but the responsible one. However, even then the significance of the second spouse should not be underestimated. All matters relating to relations with relatives and everyday life should be divided into spheres of influence.
Jealousy
What else could cause family quarrels? Often the reason for this is jealousy. If this feeling in one of the partners is in its easiest degree, then, according to psychologists, it helps to give even greater brightness to the relationship. But sometimes jealousy is pathological. And this already serves as an occasion for serious family quarrels. The constant manifestation of distrust can destroy even the brightest feelings.
Psychologists explain that such a relationship of the partner lies in self-doubt. He is most likely afraid to be left alone.
How to prevent such conflicts? To do this, it is recommended to speak frankly with your soulmate, trying to find out what caused such jealousy? It is worth telling your partner that you love him for who he is, while emphasizing that you do not like the manifestation of distrust. It is also recommended to find out what signs of attention could show a loved one that he is loved and valuable.
Domestic issues
Sometimes there are family quarrels over trifles. Their cause may be an unclosed tube of toothpaste, an unmade bed, etc. There are a lot of development options for domestic conflicts.
Sometimes it happens that the couple divorces due to the unwillingness of one of them to take care of the house.
How can such conflicts be resolved? Psychologists advise spouses to distribute responsibilities among themselves in advance. And this is often quite enough to achieve harmony and harmony in the family. In cases where one of the household does not comply with the accepted agreements, duty days should be arranged. For example, today the wife is engaged in household issues, and tomorrow the husband will solve them. If one of the spouses does not like any occupation, then this should be said directly. In this case, instead of washing dishes, it will be charged with, for example, ironing.
The relationship between parents and children
What can cause family quarrels and conflicts to break out? The reason for this may be the problem of the relationship of fathers and children. This theme is eternal and is a textbook. Sometimes in the family there is a tough confrontation at a time when the child enters a transitional age. This is the time when he begins to react sharply to literally everything. Any manifestation of care on the part of loved ones for him is an attempt to restrict freedom, and non-interference in his affairs is perceived as indifference. The result is a noisy family quarrel with many reproaches and threats.
How can such conflicts be resolved? Psychologists advise parents to make it clear to their rebellious child that they love him, and they want to build a relationship with him at a trusting and partner level. That is, the child can always go to his father or mother and share with them the hidden and painful. Moreover, a teenager should know that his parents will never condemn him and will not impose his own point of view on him.
Relations between mother and daughter
Often conflicts occur in families where girls grow up. And then the family quarrels of mother and daughter become almost daily. What is the reason for such misunderstandings?
Very often, mothers unconsciously continue to perceive their adult daughters as little girls. They believe that they do not understand anything in life and are in great need of guardianship. The reasons for this behavior lie in the fear of the mother that the daughter, who felt independent, will soon leave. The woman will be left alone. Completely unconsciously, the mother seeks to show her daughter that she is still very small and does not know how. However, an already matured girl seeks independence. On this basis, a conflict arises.
In addition, many people have the feeling that the younger the children, the younger their parents. The matured daughter involuntarily makes her mother feel old. In order to avoid this unpleasant feeling, many women continue to consider their girls to be small children.
The cause of family quarrels between mother and daughter may be their different views on life. For example, a girl met a guy whom she fell in love with, and feels happy at the same time. However, her chosen one does not like her mother, and she begins to impose her own views.
How to build relationships between loved ones? Psychologists warn that this is not easy. Both mother and daughter will have to do a great job. A woman needs to understand that her child has already grown up and must be responsible for her own life. The daughter should realize that the fact that she has become an adult and independent, is not necessary to prove with the manifestation of aggression.
Relations with relatives of the second half
Quarrels in family relationships often arise due to a lack of harmony with the parents of the husband or wife. Establishing a normal relationship can be very difficult. It is especially difficult to do this by constantly listening to the teachings of the mother-in-law or mother-in-law. Few people decide to express their displeasure to the parents of the husband or wife. But a quarrel with his soulmate allows you to remove the tension that has accumulated in the soul.
How can such a conflict be resolved? Psychologists advise finding strength in yourself and telling relatives who are not indifferent to your family life that you do not like such an intervention. But you need to do this calmly and not get personal. It should also be explained that you are already adults and you must decide how to live on. In addition, this problem should be discussed with your soulmate, but in no case should you use your partner as a lightning rod. However, you should be very careful. After all, such conversations can cause even greater conflict. Much will depend on the person you want to reach out to.
Financial questions
Often the cause of family quarrels becomes the material side of life. In the old days, it was rarely a cause for conflict, because only a man earned money, and a woman was destined to housekeeping. Today a lot has changed. Wives are able to earn more than their husbands. The latter often try on the role of householder. Such permutations are the cause of the development of conflicts. After all, the one who earns more often starts blaming his soulmate for losing money by making rash purchases. The second member of the family is convinced that he spends money rationally.
Often spouses begin to play down their true income. After the partner becomes aware of the existence of a “nest egg”, he begins to feel betrayed and deceived.
How can such conflicts be resolved? In order to avoid quarrels on the topic of money, and with any income, psychologists advise using a certain technique. All family cash receipts should be divided into three parts. The first of these will be spent on current expenses (products, utility bills, loans). The second should be used to accumulate family savings. The third part is recommended to distribute between the spouses for the acquisition of their favorite trifles. It can be lipstick to the wife or a football ticket for the husband. The size of each of these parts should depend on the level of spending.
Disharmony in the intimate sphere
Family quarrels and marital relations are closely related. One of the most important components of a happy life for both partners is harmony in sex. In cases where the spouse is not able to reach her, the family will not be able to do without quarrels.
Often conflicts erupt due to unjustified expectations or because of different temperaments. For example, one of the partners is burning with sexual desire, and his other half is not attuned to relationships. The result of this is insult. It seems to the partner that he was rejected, and he begins to feel his own uselessness.
How can this conflict be resolved? Psychologists recommend not to hush up their grievances. You should share your expectations with your spouse and express your complaints openly. But it’s worth talking about it not in the bedroom, but in neutral territory. Otherwise, the partner may suspect that he is accused of insolvency.
Alcohol
Most often, family quarrels occur due to the drinking of husbands. And even if drinking is moderate, for example, a bottle of beer in the evening or a glass of vodka on weekends, this will certainly lead to scandal. Often such drinking alcoholic beverages is caused by the hard work of a man and his desire to relax.
At moderate doses of alcohol consumed, you should talk with your soulmate. Indeed, to relax, doing this is not necessary. When aggravating the problem, you will need the help of a specialist.
Way out of conflict situations
The above list of family quarrels is far from complete. Conflicts can give rise to a variety of life situations. The main task of the spouses in this case is to prevent a quarrel or minimize the resulting tension.
And for this, psychologists recommend adhering to certain rules:
- Make remarks to your spouse in private. This will clarify the exact cause of his behavior and prevent a misunderstanding. If you do this, for example, with children, then they will cease to respect their parents and become accustomed to permissiveness.
- Try to understand the position of your partner. The ability to listen to a loved one determines the family culture of communication. If the spouse is drunk, then all clarification of the relationship is best left for later.
- Be able to admit your own mistakes. This will eliminate the likelihood of listening to unpleasant expressions and criticism.
- Control your emotions and restrain them. Do not insult spouse or scream at him.
As you can see, these rules are not at all complicated. But they contain the law of reciprocity and mutual response.
How a person will behave in relation to their loved ones, so most likely they will communicate with him.