How to live with an alcoholic? Since the invention of alcohol, millions of women have asked themselves this question, but often it has remained unanswered. And can one really call life being in the company of an inadequate person who has only one need - intoxication? In psychology, there is the concept of "co-dependent" - this is a person living with an alcoholic, considering him close, treating him with love and trying to understand. A sozavisimy wife can always explain to herself another husband’s spree: tired, hard day, trouble at work or, conversely, a holiday, joy ...
Without suspecting it, such people do not work against the disease, but on it. Their sincere desire to rid the loved one of suffering and help him embark on the true path only aggravates the problem. Why does an addicted person give up his addiction, endure discomfort, change habits, if there is always someone nearby who will forgive, understand and solve all problems?
To answer the question of how to live with an alcoholic, you need to understand whether you want to live with him at all. If there are children in the family who suffer from the behavior of the father, perhaps the best way out is to part with such a man. In any case, each situation is individual, and it is only for its participants to decide whether to be together or apart. If together, then there are certain steps that can help change things.
1 step : give up co-dependence. You need to understand that your care and forgiveness does not help anyone. Of course, sometimes it’s nice to be a victim, talking about “your cross” that you carry through life, but if this role was really yours, the question of how to live with your husband an alcoholic would not arise - you would live how you live.
Step 2 : Find a source of support outside the family. You need to have some kind of fulcrum (friends, relatives) whose support will help you get through the difficulties of fighting your partner’s alcoholism. The most valuable will be the help of people who have their own successful experience in overcoming such a problem. If possible, be like group activities for co-addicts.
3 step : set the conditions for the partner. If you really decided to change your life, there is nothing to wait, you need to start right this very minute. Notify your husband that if he needs a family, he should immediately begin treatment, because you no longer intend to live with an alcoholic. If a person does not seek help or does not refuse to drink on his own, then his threat is worth fulfilling - just leave.
4 step : think over options. Together with your husband, prepare several options for action - where you can go and whom to turn for help.
5 step : dump the load of unnecessary responsibility. You cannot live his life for another person. Only he himself decides what to choose: family or alcohol. And no one is able to influence this choice. If a man chose the second - your fault is not in this.
6th step : understand yourself. If you fell into such a relationship, then for some reason you needed them. Consciously or unconsciously, you derive some benefit from them for yourself. Perhaps marriage with a weak, dependent person allows you to feel stronger, more successful, nobler. If this is true, think in what other way you can achieve the same feelings and increase your self-esteem. Perhaps it is worth changing jobs or learning something new?
How to deal with an alcoholic? First, understand that the struggle should not be with a person, but with a disease. And the main fighter in it should be precisely the addict himself. Take the side of your beloved, who decided to change his own life, support this decision in him, do not let him slip aside and give weakness, and then the question of how to live with an alcoholic will never arise in your family.