In this article we will discuss a sore and very serious topic - how to save a marriage. Currently, families break up almost every day. The reasons are different for everyone. But let's start the topic from the very beginning of the relationship - dating, first date. Why is this needed? Often the key hides there. And later we will consider what can be done to maintain a relationship.
What you need to know before you meet
Young people, having seen enough of beautiful films, having read modern books, begin to think that an ideal marriage is based on beauty, romance. But this is not so. No wonder they say: "Look for a wife not in a round dance, but in a garden."
Remember that a family is not created for entertainment, but for a completely different purpose. Here you need to learn to give in, compromise, put up right after a quarrel, and even better not to swear at all. There is even an example in Orthodoxy: a family is like a bag with sharp stones. Shake it long and well. Either the stones will eventually become like cobblestones, or the bag will burst. We need to learn how to smooth out our shortcomings in the family, and not our beloved spouse.
Beautiful and expensive wedding or just painting
Believe me, a luxurious wedding is not a guarantee of happiness for life. A modest wedding, oddly enough, creates a truly happy and lasting family. Do you know why?
You need to know the purpose of marriage. There may be such options:
- age is running out, I want to leave my parents, all my friends are already married;
- after the wedding, a beautiful life begins, the continuation of romance;
- pressure from the second half or third parties;
- pregnancy out of wedlock.
Unfortunately, in this case there is no guarantee that love, marriage, family will exist until the end of life.
So what should be the goal? Of course, you need to learn love in the family. You must do this yourself (by yourself). You can not wait for a loved one to come first. This may not happen. Two proud under one roof is a disaster. Just need to learn to get rid of your own egoism, and not to retrain another.
Why are we getting married?
We continue our serious conversation. How to get rid of your own egoism? There will be many reasons. During the next offense, try to be the first to approach, hug, say: “I'm sorry, it's my fault (a). Let’s make peace, and then the heart contracts at the sight of what is happening to us. ” In no case can you say: "Well, you yourself are to blame." This will not lead to reconciliation.
Why are we getting married? Family relationships and marriage are a school of life. It is no accident, for example, in the Orthodox Church that a person is given a choice: family or monasticism. What for? To learn how to truly love, but at the same time you have to go through difficult trials. This has a deep meaning for the Christian soul. But even if you have different outlooks on life, you should still learn love in marriage.
From romance to family life
The date period is like a candy wrapper: it looks beautiful, alluring. But when the spouses are left face to face with everyday problems and everyday life, then the wrapper flies. It is during this period that one must always remind oneself: at the beginning it is always difficult, one must be patient. But how to save a marriage? You should think about it now, even if this is your first day together. No need to put off everything until later, as it may be too late.
Marriage of convenience
Rarely do such families survive forever. But in marriage, by calculation, you can learn love.
Consider another option: pregnancy out of wedlock. Perhaps the highest percentage of divorces for this reason. Should marriage be kept for the sake of children or one child in this case? Yes, of course. What is the fault of the baby? After all, parents knew what could be after happy minutes together. And the appearance of crumbs, which is a piece of dad and mother, is serious: in this case, loving spouses should be brought together by such an event. But, oddly enough, they move away with time. Learn to love each other.
Unfortunately, the newlyweds are practically not persuaded. Because extramarital affairs were for pleasure, not love. But even in this case, if you show patience and understanding, marriage can become happy, and the relationship - lasting.
Do you live together before marriage?
Let's dispel the myth that you need to check each other. Of the one hundred couples, according to statistics, only ten reach marriage. And there is absolutely no hope that this is forever.
Do not consider such a fact as mysticism: they lived together, for example, 6 years, signed and divorced six months later. And there are infinitely many such stories. Does it make sense to play with fire? Probably not. You need to recognize each other , while maintaining bodily distance. Let at least six months pass from the moment you meet. If the relationship cracked a year after meeting, then think better of a breakup for a while in order to understand yourself. In no case do not go to extremes: start living together after reconciliation. It was all about extramarital affairs.
Character, habits, interests
What happens to a couple after marriage? A lot begins to change: everyone does not hide his character, shows his habits and does what he likes. The wise and happy spouses say: "Do not look for similar characters, otherwise you just crush each other." What is the point? For example, you are a very gentle and quiet person, and your beloved is hot-tempered. A gentle person is like water, and a quick-tempered person is like fire. To prevent a fire, put out. Now imagine two lights in the house.
How to save a marriage, if nevertheless both are quick-tempered? Whoever first realizes the fallacy of such a relationship, let him try to begin reconciliation. If you feel that you are breaking right now, it’s better to go to the next room, beat the pillow, do what you love, but don’t start or continue the quarrel.
Why do spouses quarrel
Why are there disagreements? The reasons are different. Listing them does not even make sense. The most important thing for you is just to avoid quarrels, scandals. Believe me, the myth that sometimes you need to give a shake to a relationship has not paid off. On the contrary, each quarrel is permanently imprinted in the subconscious of both spouses. How to restore relations after another quarrel? First, put up first, do not wait. Secondly, do not allow the appearance of a new one.
Whatever the cause of the quarrel, try to compromise it. Discuss how to agree on what's bothering. If the conversation fails, seek help from the wise spouses who have lived together for more than 50 years. A sweet old woman and an ideal wife can share a secret. In no case do not go to grandmother-whispers, magicians, inexperienced or unknown psychologists. The results will be disastrous.
Don't cheat
What is cheating in marriage? Betrayal. By the way, this is a good reason for divorce both in the registry office and in the Orthodox Church. With committing treason, the family perishes. Of course, there are cases of reconciliation of spouses, deep remorse, return.
To avoid cheating, you should pay attention to each other, spend time together, share your wishes and secrets, and fulfill good requests. And, of course, do not look around, do not look at the girls (guys) on the street or in a cafe. You can not compare your beloved (beloved) with others, to see in someone more advantages than in your spouse. Remember: your half is the best!
Be together everywhere
When the weekend or vacation comes, always spend time together. Have a fun holiday or picnic. In the summer you can go to the river or to the forest for mushrooms, in the fall - go on an excursion, in winter it's time to go skiing or sledging from the hill, in the spring - go for a rafting on the river with a company of tourists.
And if no trips are planned, then decide what you will do at home. Let the activity bring pleasure to both. You should not devote all day to computer games or watching movies - it will not bring joy to someone who is not involved.
How to avoid a quarrel?
We have already mentioned what to do if a quarrel begins. Just go to the next room and do what you love. In any case, do not continue the argument, even if the soul is boiling.
How to save a marriage when quarrels are far from unfounded? Be sure to seek a compromise, yield to each other. Learn patience. We give an example: one elderly family has existed for 50 years. But the wife’s character was imperfect. She was constantly unhappy with something, she grumbled all the time. The husband did not just put up with this, he treated her grunts with ease and humor. The character of his wife did not become softer over the years, but they were a wonderful couple, everyone believed that they had a perfect marriage.
How to return happiness to the family?
Many spouses are wondering about how to return a loved one, what to do if everything is already destroyed, is it possible to build a relationship again. Of course, it is possible, but on condition that both want to change. If one person works, and the second does not need it, then everything seems to be not a boat with one oar: there will be a circle in one place.
Think about whether the problem lies primarily in you? Start changing yourself for the better. Do you know what is typical of an ideal wife? Of course, affection, care, respect. Do not forget that the husband comes home from work hungry: be sure to prepare a delicious dinner. Let his favorite dish be on the table.
Do household chores together
At lunch, cook dinner together. For example, one washes vegetables, the other cuts them. The same goes for cleaning: spend it together. By the way, how to keep a happy marriage in joint affairs?
Exercise them every time an opportunity arises. Of course, you don’t need to try to do absolutely everything together: if the husband must finish assembling the furniture, then let him do it only while the wife is preparing dinner.
Change your lifestyle and environment
Be in nature more often, go on excursions, go to museums or to exhibitions. Diversity in family life must be present so that it is not a burden. Often monotony leads to frustration and despondency.
Nostalgia and the return to romance
You can recall those years when you just started dating. The feeling of love is remembered for a lifetime. What did you do when you had dates? Try to make a surprise. For example, invite the other half to a restaurant for a romantic candlelight dinner, or take a walk together in the places where you were 20 years ago. Present the same sweets as in your youth.
Remember that a happy marriage is entirely up to you. If you are still young, learn to maintain and improve relationships now. In any case, know that for you the most precious thing is the family. Spouse and children. Take them as the best gift in life, take care of each other!