Popular wisdom says: “Beats - means loves.” But is this really so? Why does a guy raise a hand to his girlfriend? How to behave in a similar situation? Psychologists assure: if a young man raised a hand to his chosen one at least once, he will not stop there. This will happen repeatedly in the future. Even if today the young man who hit you falls to his knees and prays for forgiveness, kissing your hands and telling about his hot feelings for your person, very soon he can hit you again. We suggest talking about the reasons for the abuse, about what to do if you become a victim of domestic violence.
Looking for the roots of the problem
The reasons that a guy raised his hand to a girl (photos of women who suffered from domestic violence cannot but arouse compassion) can be incredibly many. Very often, a young man beats his lover only because his father did exactly the same with his mother or with himself. It is likely that at a very young age, your lover constantly watched scandals in the house and was present at scenes of brutal domestic violence. In this case, he could have developed a model of the family, in which assault is the norm. It should be said that in Russia domestic violence has always been considered a common thing, it’s enough to recall the words that beating means love, and that fear of a man is synonymous with respect for him. Today, the example of grandfathers and great-grandfathers is being followed by modern men, raising their hands to their chosen ones. However, there are a number of other, no less serious reasons why a young man can afford to commit such an act. Let's talk about them in more detail.
Mental and psychological problems
Often, guys raise their hands on girls because they have certain mental and psychological problems and injuries, most often lasting from deep childhood. Typically, these young people are characterized by low self-esteem and self-doubt, the presence of a number of complexes. With the help of assault, they try to assert themselves and raise their authority in the eyes of others or at least in their own eyes. The role of a “whipping boy”, of course, is played by a person who is nearby and much weaker. Such a guy will never use physical violence to those who are stronger than him.
Accumulated aggression
Psychologists say that quite often, raising a hand on a girl, a guy can simply throw out his aggression and irritability. Perhaps he started having problems at work, his bosses are crushing him, a serious conflict broke out with friends or relatives ... If such a young man does not attend sports sections or simply does not go to the gym or pool, where he could cope with negative emotions most likely, he will get rid of the accumulated irritation with the help of assault.
The Impact of the Green Serpent
The lion's share of cases when a guy raises his hand at a girl is committed by him under the influence of strong drinks. It is being drunk that young people control themselves poorly, often committing acts that only sober regret about. It should be noted that in a sober state such men are usually adequate and quite sane, they do not even think about beating a girl.
Provocation by women
At the dawn of a love relationship, it is not uncommon for a girl to provoke her young man into a comic brawl. Over time, this develops into real fights. Another option is intentional provocation. Most often this happens when a woman is initially ready for the victim’s position, she is not self-confident. Such young ladies deliberately provoke their chosen ones to a conflict, infuriate them.
Social responsibility or problems in the family?
While psychologically unstable young people allow themselves to raise their hands on their girls, girls, oddly enough, forgive it. What are the main reasons for such tolerance? Perhaps the girl is afraid to be alone, or perhaps she just loves her tormentor. By the way, many believe that the fault in such relationships is social affiliation. Thinking so, psychologists say, is a huge mistake. No social society is able to bear responsibility for such behavior of men. Genetics, the family in which the young man was brought up, are more likely to blame. Practice shows: a man without education, who grew up in an inferior family, raises his hand much less at a girl than that guy who is wealthy and authoritative.
With the reasons why the guy raises his hand at the girl, we figured out. We offer to talk about why the girls themselves allow their young people to engage in assault.
Portraying a victim
How does the girl being beaten feel? Of course, humiliated, defenseless and offended. However, contrary to any laws of logic, she remains next to the person who raises her hand and continues to suffer beatings. Why is this happening? Firstly, there are girls who are characterized by incredibly low self-esteem. Unconsciously, these young ladies are ready to be humiliated. It is worth saying that they strive to meet a strong and quite aggressive life partner, long before this meeting, agreeing that he can raise their hand to them. At the same time, female victims always bring their young people to a fight. For their subconscious, this is acceptable.
The guy raised his hand to the girl: what to do for the first time?
Psychologists say: if a young man hit you for the first time, this is a precedent. In the future there will be only two options: either he will never dare to raise his hand against you again, or he will always beat. The moment you are hit, you must show that you are stronger energetically than a man. Fight back, show that you will no longer tolerate such treatment. Here, experts say, everything is in the ring - either you or you. Therefore, the girl must give such a powerful rebuff so that the man is really scared. Both physical strength and character strength can be used.
What if you become a victim of violence?
If you are alone with a young man in a house or apartment, and he starts to beat you, you need to defend yourself. Be sure to scream and call for help. In the event that you are much weaker than the abuser, hide from it, for example, lock yourself in the bathroom. You can ask your neighbors for help and call the police.
In the event that the guy hit the girl once, you should leave. Let today do without serious physical injuries and injuries, in the future the results of such a situation can be disastrous.
Psychologist's advice
Experts argue that the girl should not be beaten and humiliated in her direction. It is strictly forbidden to give up and complain about your unfortunate fate. Instead, try to think about the reason the guy hit the girl in the face or somewhere else. After that, answer the question: is it worth continuing to meet with such a person. Do not try to sacrifice yourself, remember feelings such as self-esteem and pride. For a woman who possesses these qualities, no man ever dares to raise his hand. What if the person who hit you is dearly loved by you? Do not let this situation drift. Break up with him for a while. If you understand that you want to be with him, come back, but with the condition that if he hits you again, you will leave forever.
Girls should not believe promises that such a situation will never happen again. Thus, the young man is only trying to justify his own act. Having hit a girl, he transcends the boundaries of what is permitted and goes beyond the framework of education. Since childhood, boys have been taught that girls cannot be offended. It is important to understand that any man is stronger than the girl who is next to him, because sometimes she just can not give a decent rebuff. Unfortunately, world practice shows that it is impossible to change a person. He will cease to be a real tyrant and despot only if he loses his own physical superiority.
Is it worth it to forgive?
In the event that you decide to forgive the guy who hit you, be prepared to repeat. The fact is that a person, being easily forgiven, understands that he receives a green light for further such actions. What do psychology say about this? If a guy raised his hand to a girl, he should never be forgiven. Firstly, it is a serious threat to beauty, and secondly, to health. It is possible that a slight slap in the face can turn into a serious threat to the girl’s life over time. Experts say: you can not respect and love your girlfriend at the same time, beating her at the same time. Relations in which violence has appeared are pointless to maintain. Raising his hand to a weaker man will not stop. Subsequently, he will raise his hand not only to the girl, but also to joint children.
Of course, very often decisive changes in her own life frighten the girl, it is difficult for her to take a serious step in order to start a new life in which there will be no place for an unworthy man who can offend her. However, sooner or later you will have to make a choice. We hope he will be right!