Often you can hear such an expression that "darlings scold, only amuse." However, regular quarrels in the family can not bring anything good. There can be many reasons for this. If you are increasingly asking yourself the question: “What should I do if I constantly argue with my husband?”, Then it’s time to finally acknowledge the existing problem and try to solve it peacefully. But where to start? And how to fix the situation?
What do quarrels and discords lead to?
The simplest rule in the family: "To be able to hear and listen to your partner." It is because of non-compliance with this rule that quarrels most often begin.
As a result, both spouses cease to listen to the opinion of the other and respect their interests. They begin to defend each their point of view and, as a result, regularly argue and quarrel. This is where the statements of women come from, like this: "We constantly quarrel with my husband because of trifles." At the same time, both spouses begin to resemble offended children from whom a toy was taken. Each of them stands his ground and does not intend to give in to the other.
If everything continues at the same pace, then both spouses will understand that they have absolutely nothing in common. The consequences of this are divorce, the division of property with all the ensuing consequences.
The main thing is to stop in time
If a husband and wife constantly quarrel, then at least one of them should definitely stop and take a sober look at the situation. Think carefully about how it all began and how your quarrel proceeds. If you couldn’t remember such a thing, you need to think about the fact that the culprits of family troubles are certainly both partners.
If, in your opinion, the husband started a quarrel, what prevented you from stopping on time? Why did you suddenly turn into a child and with a frantic fuse have entered into an argument? You supported the arguer, which means that you are guilty no less than him.
It is possible that your spouse has simply flared up. In this case, it can be influenced by various factors, including unpleasant moments at work, lack of finances and much more. Be smarter. Do not respond to the scream with an increase in tone. Invite the spouse to calm down and look at the subject of the dispute calmly. At the same time, your tone should be balanced, and your voice should be calm. After that, many men come to their senses. Remember, the main thing is to stop in time, before it was said what it was not worth pronouncing. And then you will no longer be wondering why my husband and I constantly swear.
Try to compromise
Any negotiations, including those that occur between two disputing spouses, need a compromise. Sometimes it is not at all easy to find, but necessary. For example, if you are arguing over who will pick up children from school or kindergarten, compromise and set up a schedule. On Mondays and Wednesdays, your husband will do this, and you on Tuesdays and Thursdays. And so that no one would be offended, on Friday grandmother or grandfather would completely cope with this task. And then you definitely will not begin to start a conversation with your friends with the phrase: “Girls, I constantly argue with my husband, how to fix the situation?”
What does the lack of compromise lead to?
In the absence of a compromise or desire to seek it, each of the partners will spite the other. For example, the husband will regularly stay at work, because it is there that he will be able to get rid of your reproaches and moods. He will turn off the phone, spend more time with friends. And sometimes it’s far from sober to come. All this translates into a certain protest and a desire to get away from an unpleasant and tense situation in the family. As the saying goes, a man should have a reliable rear at home. If he is not there, he will simply begin to return there less often, and with time, perhaps, he will cease altogether.
The wife, on the contrary, will be offended. Sometimes she will seek help from parents, relatives, like-minded people. She will ask all of them: “My husband and I constantly quarrel, what should I do?” Of course, each case is individual. However, with this approach, your marriage is unlikely to last long. Act and make a difference.
How to fix the problem together?
In order to solve any problem, it is necessary to act together. For example, many ladies claim that their contention is purely financial in nature. From them you can hear something like the following: “We constantly argue with my husband over money. They are not enough. Low salary. We cannot buy and postpone anything ”, etc. However, before you cut your husband and once again remind him of his small salary, think about what you did specifically to solve this problem. So how do you proceed?
To start, talk to your husband. However, do not build your conversation only on reproaches. Psychologists recommend the use of "hamburger" tactics. Remember that a hamburger has two buns and one cutlet.
So, first you need to praise your husband, then scold him a little (to the best, of course), and then praise him again. For example, you get something like the following: “Dear! You are so talented and smart. That's just the boss does not value you. Your salary is small, although you work seven days a week, and even do everything for three specialists. It is not right. Talk to the management. Say it's time for career advancement. From your position you have already grown and are ready for responsibility, new obligations. Ask to raise you and increase your salary. You know how I appreciate your courage, judgment and responsiveness. You’ll succeed, you’ll see! ”
Believe me, with this approach you will no longer need to look for answers to the question: “Tell me what to do?” I’m constantly arguing with my husband and I don’t know what to do! ”
Do not try to remodel anyone and seek solutions peacefully
The most common mistake in family relationships is the desire of one partner to remake another. Hence mutual insults and reproaches. That's just not a single person can be redone, of course, if he himself does not want to.
If you decide to engage in the "upbringing" of your husband, think about it - maybe something is wrong with you. If you think that everything is fine with you, then for cardinal changes in the character of the spouse you should act gently and unobtrusively. And then from your vocabulary will forever disappear the crown phrase “constantly swearing with your husband”, which you often use when communicating with friends.
A simple example that many psychologists hear at the reception - the husband often walks around the apartment in shoes, and his wife does not like it. What should you do in this case? Stop yelling at him. If he’s so used to it, talking with elevated tones will not help here. So, the selfish phrase “I want you not to walk around the apartment in shoes” can easily be replaced by “I would like our house to be clean and comfortable. Therefore, be kind, do not walk around the room with shoes and appreciate my work. ”
Chat more with each other
Sometimes women make an unforgivable mistake - they are unhappy with something, but do not talk about the reason to her husband. Of course, you can expect the spouse to figure out, because of which his other half was offended, for years. As a rule, he does not even guess what, in fact, is the question.
If something does not suit you, tell your spouse about it. However, this should not be done in the form of a claim - it is better to communicate gently and accurately, without affecting his male pride.
Pregnant: constantly swearing with her husband
Often, women in an interesting position are prone to quarrels and mood swings. The overabundance of hormones is to blame. Of course, if you have a loving and caring husband, he will understand what exactly your sharp mood swings are connected with.
If the situation is heated, and you can’t do anything about it and the scandals continue, try to do breathing exercises. It helps to relax, calm thoughts and even balance emotions. As an option, a special yoga complex for pregnant women with elements of simple exercises and breathing is suitable.
More walk in the fresh air. In the end, you can fight emotions with alternative methods. For example, psychologists advise singing, dancing or doing creative work (knit, sew, craft something). And then your family will be quiet and calm.